In which I Imagine the opposite of Peace, and tell inappropriate jokes

..because I still got snark left and I don’t know when to quit.

Inappropriate Joke Time:

Dick Cheney,  Dr. Evil, and Hitler’s ghost are all sitting around a big table in Cheney’s war room, outlining their plans for total world destruction.

(Yeah, I know Cheney is officially out of office, but he’s still secretly pulling the American government’s puppetstrings from his secret underground bunker)

Cheney and Dr. Evil are tweeting orders to their henchmen via their cell phones and Hitler’s ghost is sending tweets to some white supremacist dumbasses through an ouija board.

When on their Twitter timelines, mysterious and powerful words suddenly appear!  Only they can’t read those words, because they’re in Albanian.

Then, the words  suddenly appear AGAIN.  It’s like some mystical sign.  A sign they can’t decipher, because this time it’s in Arabic.

Cheney, Dr. Evil and Hitler all scratch their heads.  (Except Hitler just sort of waves his ectoplasmic hand in the direction of his incorporeal head.)  What could this strange message be?

Hitler on Prozac

If Prozac had been discovered in the 1940s, history might have been very different.

Then another tweet appears on their Twitter feeds!  But this one doesn’t enlighten them any further, because it’s in Mandarin Chinese.

Now the three warlords are seriously spooked. As are their henchmen, because none of them can read any of these messages either.

The next message is in Glagolitic script.  The one after that, in Egyptian hieroglyphics.  The one after that, in the kind of handwriting doctors use.

“Who is this Yoko Ono chick, anyway?” says Dr. Evil.

Sie spinnst sicher!“, taps Hitler through the ouija board, because he only knows German.

And so on for about a million tweets  until there finally appears in English:


And lo and behold, there are a bazillion retweets!  Twitter crashes!  The fail whale fills everyone’s screens!


Even the Fail Whale follows Yoko!

Obviously the henchmen are conspiring to overthrow their evil overlords and start a revolution!  A peaceful revolution!

Because Yoko told them to!

Cheney and Dr. Evil panic,  experience a change of heart, and realize that everything they have done up until now is wrong.  They agree to dismantle all their nuclear weapons and shoot them into the sun. Then they both weave themselves a crown of wildflowers and skip off into the sunset hand-in-hand.

Meanwhile Hitler is muttering to himself in German because nobody remembered to tell him what was happening.    Until the tweet “IMAGINE PEACE” in German magically banishes him back to hell!

And peace on earth reigns forever!



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