I am going straight to hell

…for posting this, but it’s worth it, to provide you with a few moments’ entertainment.  That’s how dedicated an art blogger I am.  You’re welcome.

Bad Christian Art

Corporate Jesus

Jesus cuts deal with the Feds to avoid insider trading scandal

..Also, he’s totally going to invite that guy up to his place later. Painting by Nathan Greene.

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Jesus and Elvis

Outshined

Jesus knows he can’t compete with Elvis.  That’s why he left his robe and halo in his truck. (see below).

Do check out the The Thomas Society for more bad Christian art.

Jesus lording it over a truck

There’s something winsome about the earnestness of this velvet painting. It’s almost like a Greek icon, except it’s got a big red eighteen-wheeler in it. I’m particularly moved by the loving detail with which the truck is rendered.  Artist unknown.

"No Appointment Necessary"

Nice tattoo, Jesus, but your smile is creeping me out a little

Jesus shows off his godly ink, courtesy of Andrew Brown over at the Guardian who wrote some stuff about bad Christian art and links to more of it.  The above masterpiece is by Stephen Sawyer, who has possibly contributed more to this genre than any other known artist.

Jesus does drugs

Jesus is such a party animal!  He’ll even do drugs with you

This is called “Calvary” by artist Stephen Sawyer, who says on his “About” page: “People need to remember Jesus laughing and Jesus smiling.”

I’m going to remember Jesus mainlining heroin. ‘Cause that’s what you painted, dude.

Says  Jason Boyett:  “I think this artist is being too subtle about the drugs.”

Still more masterpieces from Stephen Sawyer:

Round 15 by Stephen Sawyer

Jesus is a knockout! Nice pecs!

“Lover of My Soul”. Actual title. Yes. At least it wasn’t “Lolita”

Father Forgive them by Stephen Sawyer

Bad enough to slap yo’ granny!

Mayhe I’ve misunderstood this.  Maybe Grandma was just trying to give Jesus a high-five, and encountered technical difficulties due to the height of the crucifix.

Painting by Rick Griffin

“Yeah, right. I’ve never heard that line before” – Hot Samaritan Chick

That Jesus.  What a player. Bet he didn’t even call her the next day. Painting above by Rick Griffin.

Touchdown Jesus

Touchdown Jesus

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Jesus is really sporty.  But he only plays American style football, not that sissypants soccer.

Heretic Tom,  who posted the above pic has more bad Christian art here and here.

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Jesus in Kindergarten

The World’s Oldest Kindergartener

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Jesus’s homeschooling had not prepared him for the academic rigors of the outside world, so he had to take some remedial courses.

Paintings by Nathan Greene.

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painting by Nathan Greene

Jesus the Underpaid Intern

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“Jesus was the worst intern I ever had.  He was always reading over my shoulder,  correcting my spelling.  Bragged about his dad all the time.  And he kept trying to feel me up!  I nearly strangled him with my stethoscope.”

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To all the well-meaning Christians who will stop by this post, read it and earnestly try to save my soul:  Thank you, but the art in hell is better.

Don Lambert doesn’t think I’m spending eternity in a really hot place getting poked by some guy with a pitchfork:  Read why not here.

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7 thoughts on “I am going straight to hell

  1. The tattoo one was done by an actual believer? Wow. Considering Leviticus expressly forbids getting ink done, that’s a bit of a blooper.

  2. Trust me, there’s no shortage of Christians who are probably snickering over these paintings; they are AWFUL!!!!
    To me, one proof of God is having a sense of humor; else how could we humans stand each other?

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