Solitude as a way of life

Forest Pool by M.K. Hajdin

Forest Pool by M.K. Hajdin

There are two kinds of people:  those who have spent most of their adult lives partnered, and those who have not.

I’m one of the latter, and I feel like we’re a minority among all the happy (or happy-seeming) couples out there. But I have found a number of other people who have spent their adult lives alone, too, and it helped me to feel less weird about it.

I wonder if there are any reading my blog and if they’d like to share their stories. It doesn’t matter if you are willingly or unwillingly without a partner.

2 thoughts on “Solitude as a way of life

  1. Hi M.k.
    I have been in a relationship for the past 10 years now. Before that, other than a couple failed attempts, I had spent over 25 yrs not being in a relationship that involved partnering. I had my daughter with me for 9 of those years, but aside from her, I spent much of my time alone, doing things on my own. Before now, I had spent only 6.5 years in a committed relationship, and those were miserable examples of relationships mostly in my teens. I decided in my mid 20’s to be celibate and to finds way to define myself without another person. I had to find a way to be with people without the sexual aspects of interaction. I was not healthy in that regard and I knew that I had to find another way to relate to the world. I tried to date, but that doesn’t mix well with celibacy.
    No one believes you. “Oh, you don’t mean me!?” “But we are in a relationship!” Is the retort.
    I finally decided to quit dating completely. This worked very well for me and over the next 20 years I blossomed as a person and grew stronger. I learned how to be a friend and how to develop those relationships. I was still fighting the whole idea of being in a committed relationship when I met my partner online, and once I finally decided to try some sort of relationship, it took us 2 years to meet in person. After that, it was another 4 years before we lived together.
    I am quite fortunate to have a partner that respects themself and me enough to love, accept, honor, and revel in that person I have become.
    I never really believed I was love able. I was groomed to please men and define myself by my relationship to them. That is not love.
    It took me until I was over 50 years old to find a space I can be myself with another person, and 25 years of alone time. I was lucky to have all those years before, alone and strengthening, understanding how I was motivated, and giving myself permission to be the woman I am. Learning to trust myself.
    Like me, my partner is flawed. It isn’t perfect all the time being with another person. Mostly I like to be alone. Mostly they do not.
    After 25 plus years it was hard to adjust, even after 10 years.
    I can only trust my choices at this point in my life. If I am wrong, or I ended up alone, I would take comfort in my own person. I know I learned how to do it during those alone years.
    I don’t believe we have to be in a relationship. I especially can not find reason to have one just because..

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