People don’t want to hear about how women think and feel. They don’t want to picture women as people whom others might actually have to negotiate with. They want “equality” insofar as they want the erasure of all measurable signs of women’s oppression (because let’s face it, these get a bit embarrassing). They do not, however, want this to come at the expense of being allowed to see women as whatever they want them to be at any given moment. We just don’t have space to accommodate the humanity of women as well as that of men. Sisterhood might be powerful, equality might be a fun badge to wear, but casual, unacknowledged misogyny is a hell of a lot more practical.
If anyone were to ask me which, feminism or misogyny, would be the most practical choice, I’d answer in a heartbeat: misogyny, stupid. Of course it bloody is, and that would hold true whether the person asking was male or female. It’s a total no-brainer, especially if you’re female. This isn’t a criticism of most men and women; it’s just the truth. Being a feminist – believing that women matter and trying to persuade others of this fact – does not have the magic effect of suddenly making women matter. Indeed, you will find in the short term that pointing this out really pisses people off.