On subordination


Another good quote from this article by Zane Kotker:


Those labelled subordinate… too often believe what the dominants say about them. Being subordinate means that you learn to study the smallest nuance of mood in the master. If you actually accept the master’s definition of yourself, you’ll worry constantly that you aren’t giving enough to others. Women will serve their husbands and then their children – and there is no more demanding, if only temporary, master than the being Freud called “His Majesty the Baby”. Yes, you will come to enjoy seeing children and others prosper and may not even resent the fact that your own needs and desires aren’t part of the daily thrust. Alas, splendidly serving people brings few rewards. As Miller points out: Dominants don’t develop the sensitivity of subordinates and people do not really know or care for their servants, even Super Mom. Or Super Worker, we might add. Of course, you may retain and even develop a sense of a better self but you do best to keep it hidden. You become Br’er Rabbit – you outwit the fox so cleverly that the fox he don’t even know it sometimes. Whence “feminine intuition”, Miller says: whence “feminine wiles”. They’re no gift, but the product of years a­ studyin’ Massa. How to please the King? How to make Pharaoh smile? Wait ’till after you serve him the blueberry tart, dear.

On femininity and powerlessness


Warm, sensitive, dependent, passive, emotional, cooperative, supportive, subjective. It is becoming clear to psychologists that the old string of adjectives describing women is not so much a description of femininity as it is of a social and psychological state of powerlessness. And the opposite adjectives generally applied to men ­- aggressive, active, cold, task-oriented, competitive, intellectual, objective, independent – do not represent masculinity per se, but more accurately describe the attributes of a person in possession of power.

Zane Kotker, The ‘Feminine’ Behavior of Powerless People

Femininity is a set of behaviors intended to convey one’s acceptance of being a member of an inferior sex caste, so “a state of powerlessness” is actually a very accurate description of what drives the performance of femininity.   Women perform femininity to win approval and acceptance from those who have power.  And since men hold the power in our society, “aggressive, cold, competitive…” etc.  is a very accurate description of masculinity.  Masculinity is about power, and lording power over others.  And power corrupts.