Clowns with Klout driving around in Gary Numan’s cars to sound of steel drums. Directed by Richard Jobson

I was talking with Daniel Swensen, who is the funniest guy in the world and who also has a fantasy novel coming out called Orison.   We are both mystified by the workings of Klout.  Our search for the truth about social media led us into a dark, ominous, disturbingly amusing carnival of the damned.

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How Not to Disgrace Yourself Utterly on the Internet!

Are you on the internet because you have something awesome that people should see?  Do you want to know how not to act like an ass and alienate them forever before they get a chance to see it?

Some folks out there are shooting themselves in the foot every time they use some kind of social media.

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I’m too opinionated for the Clyfford Still Museum

…they’ve unfollowed me on Twitter.

You’d think that working in a museum dedicated to the most headstrong and difficult American artist ever would make them immune to such things. Apparently not. Either that, or they’ve groked that I don’t work in a museum and am not important or influential in the art world (yet; I have still to build my dark empire) , so I am not worth their attention.

Too Cool For You

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Gratuitous Penguin of the Day

Adelie Penguin photo by Brendan Van Son

Penguin Walk, photo by Brendan Van Son

If you’re just waking up and need something adorable to lift your spirits while you drink your coffee, try this photo essay about Antarctic penguins by my affable Canadian twitter pal Brendan Van Son.

In which I am distracted by shiny things. Now with 100% more photo overanalysis

I like shiny things.

Apparently so does my twitter pal Richard Jobson, who took these photos and gave me his kind permission to post them here.  They weren’t titled, so I improvised.  You know how I feel about titles.

Waterfall by Richard Jobson

Waterfall by Richard Jobson


Waterfall 2 by Richard Jobson

These two waterfall pieces are sparking some ideas for new abstract paintings.

More photos after the jump. Click here to see.

In which I am shunned

Scarlet Letter Y

Yoko's Revenge


It’s begun.

My anti-Yoko beliefs have enraged the world.

I am  cast out of the ranks of respectable humanity.  Not by a flood of hate mails, but by stony silence.  That’s right.  I’m being shunned.

I might as well wear a scarlet Y.

For the record, I don’t hate Yoko.  I just hate SPAM.

In which I Imagine the opposite of Peace, and tell inappropriate jokes

..because I still got snark left and I don’t know when to quit.

Inappropriate Joke Time:

Dick Cheney,  Dr. Evil, and Hitler’s ghost are all sitting around a big table in Cheney’s war room, outlining their plans for total world destruction.

(Yeah, I know Cheney is officially out of office, but he’s still secretly pulling the American government’s puppetstrings from his secret underground bunker)

Cheney and Dr. Evil are tweeting orders to their henchmen via their cell phones and Hitler’s ghost is sending tweets to some white supremacist dumbasses through an ouija board.

When on their Twitter timelines, mysterious and powerful words suddenly appear!  Only they can’t read those words, because they’re in Albanian.

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I have officially had it with Yoko Ono.

This will get me a bunch of hate tweets and/or ruin my art career.

But I can’t hold this back ANY LONGER.

For the last two days I have sat quietly fuming while my twitterfeed is bombarded with cryptic messages from Yoko Ono.  A few of them were in languages I understand, so eventually I deciphered the slogan IMAGINE PEACE.

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Happy Effing Holidays

Christmas at Richard Jobson's house

Nothing in my house is nearly interesting enough to make a Christmas card, so this will have to do.

I vandalized an innocent picture taken by my twitter pal Richard Jobson, who is still smoking hot after all these years.

This I do for you, dear readers, because I really care.

Ooh! Celebrities!

I try not to follow celebrities unless I really can’t help myself, for that there is a recipe for heartbreak.

This video is dedicated to the famous people online, but especially the ones on Twitter:

Celebrities are what the gods were in ancient Greece: fictional characters leading scripted lives.  At the bottom of all the hype, they are people too, but it’s unlikely you’ll ever get to the bottom of the hype.  We’re all living in a public-relations junkyard.  You’d need a couple of bulldozers, ground-scanning radar and a team of archaeologist spelunkers in hazmat suits to get to the bottom of it.

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