If you’re looking for books about how to write memoir on a site like Amazon, there are so many titles and so many of them have five stars. Which of them do you choose?
I googled “What it’s like to be an unattractive woman” in the hope of finding other women like myself to befriend, and among the results was this article by Tracy Moore called “Will Women Ever Have the Freedom to be Ugly?”
It begins on a promising note, as Moore describes her personal experiences of being called ugly and pointing out that if beauty were not expected of women, it would free up a lot of our time, resources and energy.
But then Moore goes on to say:
Second, what do I mean by ugly? Like all things subjective, it’s arguable to infinity. I think when women are called ugly, they are not actually ugly — they are simply noncompliant. They are not willing to spend the time, money and energy it takes to live up to a cultural beauty standard that says skin tones must be evened out, eyes must be enhanced, cheek bones accented, weight managed, desirability advertised, and so on. (Remember, pretty is a skill set.)
Some of us cannot be pretty no matter how compliant we try to be. Spackling makeup on an ugly face will not turn it into a pretty one. Moore seems to be one of those idealists who think there is no such thing as an ugly woman, but the real world tells us otherwise.
Sometimes I really think one of the most radical things a woman can do is simply not brush her fucking hair.
There are many more radical things a woman can do than not brush her hair. For example, she could recognize that she is a member of an oppressed class, and work together with other members of the same oppressed class to dismantle the system that oppresses her.
Reddit is a cesspool of misogyny, but this thread is worth reading: Do Unattractive Women Really Feel Completely Ignored/Invisible?.
“You’re not unattractive!” “You’re not even that fat!” “Someone finds you beautiful!” “Beauty is subjective” OH MY GOD FUCK RIGHT OFF.
Just accept that the world is a mean place sometimes. You telling me my struggles don’t exist makes me feel more invisible. Like you can’t even comprehend the life unattractive people lead so you have to blow smoke up my arse to make yourself feel better? It’s not like people are flinging shit in my face but can we please accept the fact that not being attractive impacts my actions and the actions of others? — commenter sehrah
OMG, THIS THIS THIS.
And my own related piece, Feminists Are Ugly.
So readers, if any of you are conventionally unattractive, I want to be your friend.